Extreamly Chaos

Do you ever felt like alien in your own family? Well I do and it feels like hell. You feel you've been judge by your surround. So every single step you made have to be calculate. And the calculation will make you nervous.

The only thing can survive me from that is my room or bathroom. Funny how you can feel safe in that small and cold room. Sudenly, I feel safe in soaked liquid room. Its wierd coz i never feel that before and than I start questioning, am I normal or...?

Yesterday there was family gathering in my house. All my father's relative came and it is mean the talkative auts. Please pay attention for the plural verb I use in aut, its mean more than one. That will describe the burden I have to face.

Don't need one or two hour to feel the burden. Just take five minutes, one of my talk a lot aut spit her ammunition. She ask, how come I spent the saturday night alone. She just try to tease me. I just smile and try to ignore. And with her high tone voice, she said "Hey lapet (is a traditional cake so is explicit to humiliate me) why don't you answer me?." I turn arround and give her a full of anger definition plus, "Shut up.You so wierd."

They never respect me and they also thing their responsible for my life. Sometimes I just hate to realise that Indonesian has this close family bound. Coz most of the time the bound only exist to humiliate your independency. So they always treat you like 10 year old kid, with colorful ribbon on her head. Fuckin shit...i hate it so much.

I just need the cold of my bathroom. And try to figure out how to face this hesitate family bound.

Exploring silence in solitude

I don't know what exactly happen to me.I feel like drama queen.Always sad, bored with this new desk,feel empty,and feel lying in insecurity.

Ok lets talk about it one by one.Sadness. Since my aunt "approach" me to talk about my love one and how I can find the way out, so my parents (read : father) will give their bless, I'm so affraid to lose my ice cream maker. And when I'm watching 50 first date, I become more sad.

The movie talk about how a man fighting to make the one he love remember the beauty of love. At once I think it much easier than have to confience your family,merrid is not about how to make one religion more realiable.

But in the end, it not easy for Lucy too, the girl who has lost memory because of the accident she had. Everyday, she always face with the reality that everything moving forward except her memory system. She always have to fall in love to her husband. And the one which make me cry is, when she have to watch the video that summerize what happening in her life. She was there but she never remember she is there.

And about my new desk. This mining thing already make me exhausted. I have to deal with big oil, gas, or mining company and persuade them talk about there privilege. How they spent their money after exploring the fosil and let the village surround their operation field still poor. Its so exhausted to persuade them to talk about shit. I don't know, this new magazine from my paper is to business minded. And I'm to naif to say that I'm not on their side.

When we talk about emptyness, I don't know how to describe it precisely. Because emptyness is happen when you can't make definition about anything right. So I define emptyness already. Well emptyness is about nothing but to enter this nothing you have to define something. Wierd.

All of this make me realise that (maybe) I am insecure. Life is about insecurity. And when the preist at the curch talk about God Forgiveness and Faith, I realize it's start from insecurity. When man not know where to end their life, heaven or hell. They create something to push their insecurity of being after dead.

And when God feel alone, He or She or whatever you want to call The Almighty, God create heaven and hell. So everyone will aware about their insecurity and run to the scripture plus religion scholar to know the God's security.

Maybe I just need to exploring the silence in solitude. Coz everything run so fast in my life after define how possible media can stand in their neutrality. I just miss those time. Listening journalist theory, experience and thought from other journalist. Drink diffrent alcohol. Dance untill 4 in the morning. Its a free world and I miss to be free and wild as butterfly.

Make Up Session

After our "serious" class, Me, Ika, and Rebecca always has plan to create fun as reality. From Paris, St.Pauli, exploring food and mall, until make up class. We called it as journey and (maybe) only Asian girls ROCK ON :)

Please meet Rebecca RodriguezOk to be honest, the make up class was made because me and Ika don't know how to adorn our beauty. And every time you saw Becca, that is how you can call this Philippines Rock Girl, with her simple make up you'll be motivated to asking tips for that. Since I was pushed by my mom to bring my make up set, so me and Ika ask her to teach us dealing with that. For your information, since the first day my mom bought that make up set I never use it. I think you have to wait everything runs in the perfect time right? At least that what happen in term of my make up set hehehehe.

So we set the day, to have this extracurricular, and my room got the honor to held the firs make up class during Summer Academy International Institute of Journalism of InWEnt. Thanks to our master Becca, I understand how to beautify my self. For your eye shadow, first you have to put neutral color as foundation. Second you put medium color as line for your physical color so that people will notice you have beautiful eyes.

After that you put eye liner, even though I always afraid to use it. Because I always imagine those pointed black brush will stick my eyes. But my master Becca, teach me to pull little bit the tip of your eye line. That way it would be much easier to make outline of your eyes.






Success making outline of your eyes, next step is use your mascara so that you'll fulfill the beauty of eyes. I had extra tips from Luong, she came to my room after five minutes Becca gave her introduction. And that time we've knew that Luong used simple make up every day.

And I don't know why, suddenly open my cupboard and grab my new top that I bought in Jakarta. I bought this top in Pasar Ular (Paul), open market where you can find rejected branded cloth. The one you see in this picture is from Banana Republic, and I bought it only for 3 euro. I also wear my pink high heal and act as models with Ika's camera.



Since than Becca formally open Becca Make Up Summer Academy. Me and Ika are her first successful participant :) So if you want to look perfect in simple way, come and join Becca's Make Up Summer Academy next year.





I introduce you, Rebecca Rodriguez
















All picture taken by Ika Krismantari